Awkward Conversations with... Your Doctor

Part 1 of a series on difficult NFP conversations. Read part two here.

Important note: I'm not making fun of these doctors. I think they look super fun :D

The dreaded 6 week appointment, when you’re asked, “What would you like to use for birth control?” What follows is the panic of a postpartum mom under pressure. The well-researched eloquent response that you’ve been planning for months turns into an awkward jumble of “ums” and “wells” while the postpartum hormones surge, you sweat profusely and feel your face flushing. You sputter out something about NFP or not using birth control and hope the conversation changes. I once had an OB/gyn respond to this inevitable exchange with, “Well, make sure you take a pregnancy test every once in a while,” as if she was certain natural family planning while breastfeeding was a fast path to an unintended pregnancy, and there was no way of knowing odds of pregnancy on a given day.

These conversations aren’t limited to postpartum check-ups, either. If you have irregular cycles, severe period pain, chronic health issues, cancer, or other diagnoses that require complex treatment options and medications, you’re going to have to address the topic of cycles and fertility in the context of your treatment plan.

What if your appointments could look different, with more confidence and less fear? I can’t educate every single healthcare professional in the world about NFP, but all of us, one by one, can change the way the conversation goes with our doctors when we talk about our decisions for family planning. It is your body and your choice, after all, so why not feel confident when expressing your choice to your doctor?

You’re the Boss

The absolutely number one most helpful thing for me to realize at these appointments is that I’m the one in charge. Sure, my insurance covers most of the bill, and there are limitations on location and coverage, but ultimately I’ve hired that particular doctor to help manage my health. To some extent, you can choose your doctor, but even if you can’t change doctors if things don’t go the way you like, you can at least go in with the mindset that this is YOUR BODY. The doctor has certain checklists and questions that need to be asked, but it’s not personal. It’s a professional relationship. Truly, your doctor is an expert and has a massive amount of medical knowledge. I vastly appreciate the time and work that most doctors go through to ensure they are educated on various conditions, medications, and treatments. That being said, you know your body. Don’t be afraid to respectfully speak up and lead the conversation when needed.

Know Yourself

Even though I teach NFP, and I’m a nurse who has no problems advocating for my patients and my family, I’m an extremely timid patient when it comes to my own medical care. I’d rather side-step the conversation entirely than inform my doctor of the evidence-based method of family planning I’ve confidently been using for 10+ years. Some of you may go into your appointments ready to educate and inform your doctor, and you’re ready for a fight. Most of you are probably somewhere in the middle. Be yourself at your appointment. If you want to share about how well NFP has been going for you, then tell your doctor! If you need some moral support, invite your spouse or a friend to go with you to the appointment and back you up. Again, you’re the one in charge of your health, and you can approach your visits in a way that works for your personality.

Come Prepared

If you haven’t yet felt competent in a method of NFP, connect with an instructor and learn your method well! (May I suggest one of our fabulous Whole Mission instructors??) Some of us have had the experience of thinking we know what we’re doing with NFP, but it turns out we misunderstood some science or instruction. I’m actually talking about myself here, back when I only had a few kids! I thought I knew enough to practice NFP without an instructor or formal training, and that proved to be false. Since learning the Marquette Method in its proper form, I’ve been able to walk into my doctor’s office with greater peace that I can answer any questions about my family planning choices, if asked.

If you ARE ready to educate your doctor on natural family planning, bring some evidence-based information to share with them! I’m particularly fond of FACTS About Fertility: they have amazing research reviews and information for healthcare professionals and patients alike. You can even request printable information sheets to take to your doctor’s office!

It’s Easier Than You Think

I spent weeks agonizing over a rheumatologist appointment I had coming up. I knew I was going to be prescribed a new medication to manage my symptoms, one that was absolutely

contraindicated during pregnancy. I had heard the horror stories of women of childbearing age being denied the medication unless they were on an approved contraceptive method (which of course didn’t include fertility awareness based methods). The day of the appointment came, she assessed my current symptoms and treatment plan, then asked about my intentions for future pregnancies. I let her know that we’re probably done having kids, and have been using the Marquette Method for several years without issue. Then she prescribed the medication.

It was no big deal, you guys!

Even the times I’ve had some push-back at a postpartum appointment, I’ve simply said I’m not interested in contraceptives and moved on. Your doctor doesn’t typically need a long explanation, they just need to check the box that they addressed the issue with you. You’re not being disobedient or noncompliant for not taking a prescription for birth control. You’re taking control of your health and family planning. To some extent, it doesn’t really matter how your doctor feels about your family planning protocols. If they feel like it’s stupid or ineffective or you’re a brain-washed Catholic: who cares!? They’re wrong, anyway. Go live your life and love your family.

Speaking of family… talking to your doctor isn’t the only difficult NFP conversation that might be on your radar. Check back soon for more tips on awkward conversations that we’re going to make normal!